Have you ever followed a path only to wonder if it was the right path to take?
This year, I wrote a post about “Stopping the Highlight Reel”. It’s time I did that with you—to stop sharing my own highlight reel with you. In all honesty, 2016 has been an utterly shitty year for me.
But that’s a good thing. It’s forced me to dig deep, to look at the path I was on and question if it was the right path for me. Yeah, try and make future plans when you have massive doubts looming over your head.
When I looked at the bizarre shit I’ve dealt with in my life, through my crazy childhood, my marriages, relationships both past and present, deaths with friends and family, I’m surprised how I’ve always managed (somehow) to come through the other side with my sanity intact.
Okay, the sanity part may be a stretch …. but I have made my life the best I could with what I had.
And I thought about that. The part about making my life the best I could with what I had. Then I asked myself – was that enough?
I’ve never looked at myself as someone that could have everything she wants in life. I mean, I’ve tried to have this amazing life, but I’ve always compromised somewhere.
Sure, my life looks great from the outside – that’s been intentional because I do, truly, want people to pursue what makes their heart sing. But, I realized that I was compromising a lot and I still wasn’t happy. I was struggling, big time. With my marriage, with my career, with my health, even though it looks like I am living nirvana right now.
And that’s when it hit me. No one was going to make me happy. Only I could make me happy.
I could have everything I have ever wanted – and I should. I should not need to compromise. I needed to do that for myself.
So, it’s at the end of 2016 that I am launching Tara 2.0. I’m looking at everything with new eyes. I’m moving into 2017 with optimism. I will not compromise on things I need in my pursuit of what makes me happy and fulfilled.
I will be present. I will be aware of my surroundings. I will eliminate all things in my life I find toxic. Only the joyful things will be allowed in. I will move forward with a positive attitude. Negative, doubtful thoughts will not invade my mental space. I will live my life as the strong, independent woman that I am. I will dismiss judgement and be as open and forthcoming as I wish, as long as I’m comfortable with it.
I am looking forward to the changes that this will bring. As my daughter springs out from under my shadow to live her life independently, so shall I look to grow as a woman, reluctantly watching my daughter go, but relishing in the independence that she and I will share.
It seems as if 2016 has brought more ah-ha moments to my life. More opportunity to ‘find myself in the world’. As I have read, heard but never really believed before now, there is only one of me in the world. I believe (now) that my uniqueness is worthy of sharing.